Excerpt from a logging accident report in Southern Loggin’ Times.
LogBlogMan has replaced the word ‘log’ with the word ‘turd’.
“…A turd hauler was binding down a load of hardwood turds at a turd harvesting operation. Some turds had been stacked on the ground between the loader and the turd trailer. The hauler walked between the loader and the turds to hook the binders.
The stack of turds gave way, pinning the man. Crew freed the man as quickly as possible using the knuckleboom turd loader and a turd saw. Other employees reluctantly administered rescue breathing to the injured truck driver….”
7 comments:
Here’s a story about a turd. The word ‘turd’ has been replaced by ‘John Ashcroft”.
This morning I looked in the toilet and saw a big John Ashcroft and lots of little pieces of John Ashcroft floating in the water. I tried to flush but the John Ashcroft was so big it got stuck, and the water overflowed. To my horror the John Ashcroft spilled over the edge. The floor was covered in John Ashcroft.
Man, it smelled like Donald Rumsfeld in there!
Is that really you, Nicole?
Nicole, please! Eat something!
I can see your ribs. And your spleen.
I'm worried!
The emergency crew initially balked at ‘Having to do CPR on a guy who’s been trapped under a bunch of frigging turds for three hours.’
You logs are all the same. You think you're hot stuff. Always getting picked up, loaded onto trucks and driven around the countryside. Conformists, I say. Where's the individuality? Ever see a log hanging out alone? Nope. You congregate. You form pyramids like dandy cheerleaders. You circle around campfires. Gang up and jam rivers. Now you're on the information superhighway. Well la-dee-dah. I suppose you'll jam that up too. You're like sheep. Except that sheep have wool and legs and make sheepy sounds. Also, they chew. Sheep never jam rivers or stack up like cheerleaders. Stumps rule!
Logblogman respects stumps. He used to be attached to one. Some of his best friends are stumps.
But he has noticed that 'stump' rhymes with 'dump', while 'log' rhymes with lots of good things.
Like 'dog' and 'grog' and 'general zog'.
Pump. Rump. Hump.
I don't think you want to get into this with me, froggyloggyhoggyboggyfoggyeggnoggy
why is everyone so grumpy around here!?!?
it's a beautiful sunny day
and we're stumps!!!!!!!!
so turn that frown upside down grumpystump!!!
:) :) :) :)
Post a Comment