Sunday, December 31, 2006

Breeding Santa Logs

Female Santa logs should be bred when they are 30 years old. The male Santa log is positioned atop the female until a strong woodsy smell is detected. The male is then removed from the logpile as aggressive females can harm them with their long, splinter-like teeth.

Log pups are born barkless, eyes closed and red Santa hats folded up. They do have their white Santa beards at birth.

Females only have 11 wormhole teats, so in the wild nearly half of the weaker log pups die off and are consumed by their siblings. Another 3-5 will be accidentally consumed by the male Santa log after bingeing on eggnog.

22 comments:

coalblogman said...

That is completely gross.

Have you ever seen coal reproduce?

Much more tasteful.

Anonymous said...

This blog is weird.

Anonymous said...

I used to work at a santa log breeding facilities and you are totaly wrong about these. Dont know where you got your facts but you are very misteaken. Next time do your homework Logman.

theinfomercial said...

interesting

Me said...

Dear Log Blog Man,

Hilarious. I could read this all day. But I have to log off. It's my job.

Spanky said...

Log off . . . is that a euphemism for touching yourself? Ew.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I have to say, that is probably the funniest blog post I have ever seen regarding logs.

Mr. No Sarcasm (BGG) said...

I don't understand.

Do logs really breed like this?

What kind of site is this anyway?

Is this based on fact? I've never heard of santa logs before.

It seems funny, if you're making it up, but if this is real...that's crazy stuff that I never learned in school.

JAck said...

Dude dont be gay...

R2K said...

Mmm wood.

Aaron said...

I feel like I just watched a porn movie in a church. Thanks.

FURTRADER said...

Is that like reading the bible in a strip club?

And then yelling 'put your clothes on you sinful whores!!!'

And then getting really drunk and throwing up on the stage.

And getting thrown out by the bouncers.

And then going back the next morning, totally hung over, to ask if anyone found your bible under a table or something?

I love doing that.

The Freelance Cynic said...

Look! Look this isn't spam. Can logs turn on Word Verication?

I have been trying to breed Santa logs since I was 16 years old, and have only ever got Satan logs which are much less pleasant as Christmas gifts.

Cheers for the expert advice.

joated said...

Great little site you've got here! Lots of fun pics and commentary on the life and times of logs.

(But you really do have to turn on comment verifiation. Way too much spam.)

joated said...

Are these in anyway related to the log reindeer one also spots around the holidays?

logblogman said...

dear Cynic:

i will post some tips on breeding satan logs around halloween.

logblogman said...

dear joated:

yes reindeer logs are related to santa logs, but they arent nearly as cute, and they dont eat their young.

as for word verification, i dont know how to turn it on.

i'm just a simple log. i live in the woods. i cant even figure out how to put video on my blog.

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jack knight said...

Santa Logs are real. They are like Santa Claus in Catalonia (Spain...).

They are called TiĆ³ (plural: Tions) and kids hit them with a wood stick until they poop presents.

The red hat they wear is a traditional hat here called Barretina.

logblogman said...

Dear Anonymous:

If your .httpaccess file is bigger than your .syntaxis file and you feel a burning sensation when you pee then you probably have syhpillis and should see a doctor.

Good luck!

LogBlogNurse

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